Lately, I have been experiencing a lot of anxiety and grief over the fact that my oldest daughter will be going off the college next fall. In my distress, I called a dear, wise friend who also homeschooled her daughter through high school. She gave me some words of encouragement and explanation. "For a homeschooling mother who has a great relationship with her daughter like you do, it's a devastating loss when your daughter goes to college, because she is a true, true friend. You are grieving. But don't let her see you grieve too often. It will make it harder for her to go. And it will be hard enough for her, because she will miss you, too." So I have prayed and cried in private, and the Lord has sent me some joyous moments to strengthen and encourage my heart.
One such moment was when my daughter asked me to watch Pride and Prejudice with her. She had seen it already, the BBC edition from the 90s, after reading the novel for homeschool a few years ago. Since then, she's reread the book a few times, which just delights my heart. But like any intelligent, virtuous woman, she had a hankering to see the film version with Colin Firth again, so we spent a few hours two nights in a row watching. It was delightful to share one of my favorite things with her.
Another moment was when she asked her little sisters if they wanted to have her tell them the story of The Iliad, which is now her favorite story of all stories. Her little sisters love it when she tells them stories, so they heartily agreed to this and ran upstairs and jumped on her bed. All my daughters know The Iliad from reading books on our shelves, but nevertheless, my oldest spent an hour as Homer, sitting with them, retelling the Greek epic in her own words.
It's been moments like this and that that have worked like alchemy and turned my grief and anxiety into great joy and perfect peace. I brought my oldest daughter up "without a governess" and at times, I was a "slave to her education," truly. I see evidences like these above that show my daughter has a well-ordered, virtuous mind and heart and soul. Her appetites and delights are for and in what is good, true, beautiful. Her heart and imagination fires at noble ideas. She is humble enough to enjoy her sisters and bless them in her way.
Though time marches forward, I have the comfort of seeing the seeds I have planted over the years as full grown trees now blooming and bearing lavish fruit in her life, fruit she readily enjoys and shares with others. The Lord's Spirit comforts me with these moments and asks, "What more could you want?" And I have to admit, then I find myself "quite content with my situation in life." There is no greater joy than seeing our children walking in Truth.
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