I Will Have God's Terms

I stood in a tent of war, my enemy's tent.

He stood with his guard in battle array, his army aligned behind him, just over there, right through the canvas.

Terms of peace were laid on a table before me.

If I only back down here and in this way and in that way, I will have peace.

I looked side to side, no angel of the Lord that I could see.

I stood alone and understood myself entirely.

I am nothing to be here, to stand up to these...

But then I remembered my God.

I did not see Him, or His troops. I did not even know the terms of the contract He sent with me. (His terms are a mystery to me still.)

But nevertheless, I looked at the enemy straight and said,

"No. I will have God's terms. I will have my inheritance and my destiny."

I do not know what comes next or what may happen to me, but I know my God.

He is worthy of all faith and unwavering allegiance.

It is only fitting that any one of His servants remain faithful to her given task, no matter how small she be.

Glorious and mighty is the God who sent me!

I will have His terms for my life and my children's lives and their children's lives...

come what may.

I will have God's terms!

God's Relentless Love

Thank God for His relentless love for me.

Thank God that He wants to heal the deepest wounds in me.

Thank God He wants to make my faith genuine.

Thank God He did not reserve the greatest trials for only the greatest saints.

These trials are not meant to destroy me, though they are destroying much.

Everything within and without quakes and burns.

It is simply that He, being a good Father, and True, wants to minister grace to the deepest places,

and He values nothing so much as that grace He means to give me,

because He values me above all.

Ministries, relationships, my sanity, my faith, all these can fall away and even be strained to breaking,

so far is He concerned for the healing and the grace He means to minister to the innermost place.

He will teach me to know wisdom as He said He would.

Like a small child who fights the doctor, because he holds a needle, I misunderstood my Lord.

But I am grateful He did not value my good opinion so much as to hold himself back from doing what was needed for me.

At the very end, I believed He knew better than me, and so I swallowed the remedy He poured out, though I thought I may drown in it,

knew I may die from it.

Though I did die,

and still do.

So be it.

He knows best.

Now I am being healed, so now I can begin to see.

I live as He promised.

He is with me.

He is so, so good, so much sweeter than I ever knew.

He has my unwavering devotion.

I believe Him, though the mountains give way.

I trust Him.

He means to do me good.

He is making me real, fitting me for Himself.

So in the midst of suffering, I say now, while it is still sacrifice and offering to do so,

Blessed be the Lord God Almighty!

His love is incredible!

His presence is dearer to me than life!